Hati kecil

Salam everybody,

Mood aku agak gloomy. Hmmm.

Aku rase hiba, terkilan, sedih, sayu.

Kenapa manusia ni kan terlalu pentingkan diri ? Tak pernah rase bersalah ke ? Kenapa manusia ade ego ? Kenapa ade manusia mcm nie ?

Aku selalu ade rase mcm nie. Rase serba slh dgn org. But at the end of the day, aku notice hati aku jugak yang hancur. Luka. Parah. Terus hidup aku penuh dgn dendam. Tapi ini aku. Kenapa aku tak bole dendam sedangkan aku yang sakit ?

Aku jumpe mcm2 ragam manusia. Yang baek mmg ade. Yang jahat, eishhh terlalu banyak. Sampai aku tak lalu nak pandang muka mereka.

Aku tak innocent. Honest to say. But aku tau dunia aku mcm mane. So, kenapa org bole judge aku sblm kenal hati aku ? And kenapa aku takley judge org sblm kenal hati dorg ? Dorg slh, aku yang kena, kenapa ?

Hati kecilku pernah berbisik, “sudah la zainab. no one cares. why shud u bother ?”

Tapi aku manusia yang sentiasa letak diri aku dalam situasi mereka yang susah. and aku hampa dgn diri aku sndri.

BYE.

Aku manusia yang lemah

aku lemah.

aku tak kuat mcm org laen.

aku sng jatuh.

aku sng kalah.

aku. tak larat nak terima ssh hidup nie lg. da tak larat. aku nak stop. stop dr sme mslh yg aku ade. tapi, nie mslh. bnde yang plg manusia tak bole lari. aku lemah.

aku tak kuat. aku sedih and aku penat.

):

Dulu lain, sekarang lain.

Kenapa title aku cm nie eh ? hihi.

Dunia artis. means glamor. kan ? bila sebut artis and celebrity yang jadi mmg kita minati mesti kita mcm WHOAAA ! kan ? tapi, yang aku perasan setakat nie, janji kau mekap je kan, trs org wow. cantek tak cantek la kan. seksi je trs org takley tutup mata.

kenapa ye ? kenapa wanita perlu seksi ? soalan tue sll dtg kat aku ble aku lepak ngn laki. jwpn aku, hak mereka. sbb masing2 punya hak. kubur laen2, takkan la kita nie asyik nak menyibuk je hal org kan ?

actually aku da lari dr topic. cite aku skrg nie tentang kwn artis aku. lelaki.

kawan ke ? dlu before famous, text aku ajak ke hulu ke hilir. *wlupun tau aku ade bf*. tapi sejak naek nama di persada seni. sejak dpt offer berlakon sane sini, aku text sekali dua mmg reply. lps tue ? ahhahha busy and famous people kan. I won’t blame him for that. no use.

after a while, aku mmg mls da nak amek ksh psl gossip2 dia. sbb SOMBONG bebb. so, leave it that way.

tupppp tupppp, dpt tau dia couple dgn perempuan yang 20 tahun lagi tue dr dia ? hmm. yes mmg dlu dia playboy. dgn wanita2 biasa. TYPICAL. tak sangka aku. but well, sepandai2 tupai melompat, jatuh jgk ke tanah. kan ? sepandai2 gossip ditepis, tersebar jugak nama nye di website2 gossipers and now kat blog aku plak. ahhaha.

aku terkejut and terkesima. tak sangka. if org kata jodoh, aku mmg tak syorkan la org bercinta dgn dia. hensem mmg hensem. bg aku la kan. but whatever it is guys.

kalau dlu, aku yang reject and mls lyn phone call dia. but dulu laen, skrg laen. skrg dia yang ignore aku. itu la beza artis dgn manusia biasa. tapi if kau anak org kaya nak mampus, kau try la tackle dia, caer meleleh punye la

okay la. im off ! sorry for this blog fellas. terase nak menaip. luahkan perasaan. hihi

After so long,

I grew up in PJ. And I live my own way. previously I always listened to what people might say and talk about me. As day goes by, I realized it time for me to be matured. Adult. And more organized than who I am previously.

Everybody is entering their university @ degree @ bachelor life. Not like me. But Alhamdulillah, I have a diploma. The least right. So, I am very thankful for the qualification that Allah gave me. It’s a thing to be proud of !

I have made my decision not to further my study. And I decided to get married earlier. I know that it is not gonna be easy for my father, to accept the fact that his daughter is serious to get married.

I’m happy when I’m with him. So happy till I don’t have any problem come across my mind and even heart. And it is joyful to actually not having commitment and problems.

I seek for my own job. I went for an interview and test assessment without telling anyone about it except my mom. At first I really don’t think that I’m through for the next interview session. But then I received a phone call telling me that I have been shortlisted. And who the hell in this world is not happy about it, right.

So, I went for the 3rd interview. And they asked me to wait till 2 weeks. But after 3 days, I have been accepted to legally working in that company. But I starts with contract basis.

I go through all the suffer. I work to earn money just to settle all my debts. All. But somehow, every end of month, the commitment that I have for my family is so full. Until, the feeling that I have now is pressure. And while I’m writing this blog, I am crying. I break down and cry. That is my hobby. I am never strong. I am never brilliant. I am never correct. To be true and justify is definitely not me.

For me, suffer is the best word now. People might think that I’m rich and can afford stuff. But I actually don’t. I still have to depends on my parents to send and fetch me to work. And I still have to depends on them to have a roof to stay under. And to have a bed to sleep at.

But people, as far as I’m concerned, my life is my way. None of my problem is yours and none of yours is mine. So, to my dad who always discourage me to work, this is for you. To my colleagues who hates me because I’m the youngest there and the one with the lowest qualification, this is also for you.

I really live my life, my own way. Really do. You disturb me, I won’t bite cause I kill people with my behavior and words. With my way of treating people.

That’s me. Someone you can never change.

44. Truth is.

Dah terlalu lame aku jadi ahli belog. But still, honestly mmg aku tak reti langsung nak edit banner ke. nak edit link ke. Ya Allah. Utk aku, ssh. utk blogger yang laen, ya ampun sng btul ! Ini pon thanks to Abg Benn yang btau bole gne windows live writer utk update belog. at least sng sket kje aku. sbb now aku da start kje. so mmg nak on9 pon yang sempat is update game. yang laen. cm nak tulis ayat ke nk cte ke mmg tak sempat. hmph but heyyyy ! ini cara terbaek utk update belog. insyaallah byk entry yang aku akan post. and hopefully, readers will be happy with my belog ! so long loves !

 

xx

43. Reality

Kenapa tajuk aku cmtue ? Kenapa ttbe aku tulis belog ? Okay. Ini kesah benar :) heh

I am a working GIRL *not yet a woman* gahhhh ! japp. Okay. Im currently working @ an IT company.

compliments :

- nice environment.

- great working experience.

- teach me to be more independent.

- COOLIO !

- can do my own things at a time too :P

things yang TAK BEST :

- rupa2 nye duty aku nie bukan setakat jg document tapi jg office jgk ?

- duhh. sme org pegi mkn ngn boss, aku ddk office sorg2 sbb takut office kne rompak ? wtf ?

- it's not fair sbb aku diploma holder and yg laen degree, aku dilayan cmni ?

- bg aku instruction and ble aku tnye sbb aku tak phm kau buat muka fed up.

- miscommunication is your fault not mine.

- BIASED !

- never respect people d way u want others 2 respect u ? becareful, karma is fastest than u !

- aku rehat kne kul 1-2. kau kuar kul 12-2 LEBIH br blk, ape ce bero ?

- document mmg aku handle. tapi kau complain cara aku handle. jgn suruh aku la kalau cmtue !

NOTA KAKI :

* Kawan2, pembaca2 semua. Aku nak pesan ngn korg yang ini adalah reality. Utk yang laen mungkin kerja sng. ble keje , kte jmpe seribu mcm jenis org. laen telatah, perangai and thinking. hari nie aku masuk company yang semua cina and aku sorg je melayu. bukan semua cina mcm nie. sbb best friend aku cina. bukan semua mcm nie. tapi yang jenis2 mcm nie, mmg aku ANTI. lagi skali aku ckp. aku ANTI. aku tak ske. knpe tak jd kebajikan pekerja ? aku ske GM. sbb GM agak memahami. dia takkan mara aku. *buat mase nie*. dia tego and ingatkan aku cara baek. dia hormat aku. *wlupon tak sll borak or tak pnh?* haaa. but still aku rase aku boleh complete kan task aku sbb dia. bukan sbb Deputy. time kje, kua isap rokok and minum. WTF ? kau suro aku jaga in and out org laen dlm office pastu hal kau aku tak tau ? padahal GM sendiri pon btau aku. hmphh !

sakit hati. itu yang aku rase skrg. but as HELL, i dont givva damn. sbb i have a very long journey awaits me. so long company.

* be strong in what ever you're going to be involved in and what ever problem u're gonna face ahead you. good luck. and sorry for this entry. luahan perasaan yang membara -.-"

Salam to all :)

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:))))))